Better Days & Getaways

 Am I too old for this? I feel like I’m not one who’s overtly sensitive and take everything to heart. I also don’t wear my heart on my sleeve so I can tolerate more than some people I know. Maybe life has made me this way, or maybe I was always like this.. My walls are up pretty high and beneath that  may be some weepy emotions. It’s that cliché that we all hear about in movies. This night though, I find myself taking long trips down memory lane and reminiscing in the music I once loved. Oh how music has so many memories attached to it. I’m glad to still have these feelings and I hope they don’t disappear. It’s okay to feel this way, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to want to cry. Because our vulnerability is what makes us human. 

Oh how many times have I heard this phrase in the past two months. I think every teacher thought they were simply entering their March break expected some sort of break from their students/work. Little did we know that it would get extended into this social nightmare. I have so much respect for frontline workers who are helping those in need at this time. (Do teachers count?) Sometimes I find myself thinking how confusing this is. Little by little the restrictions are becoming less strict so to say, and what do we find? People are also calming down. I guess this can be beneficial because we are not panicking for toilet paper anymore (Muslims can’t relate). It’s also detrimental because it gives the false hope persona, and who knows who meets what and where. There are too many unknown variables at stake, and this affects people’s’ lives. I get it, it’s serious but at the same time relaxed? One day I found myself thinking about how crazy I’m going. How I feel trapped that I can just get ...

A good friend brought up an important point today. Openness in communication is quite refreshing. He said that at many times, people have a hard time communicating tricky emotions or desires, so it’s hard to find people who are more open about these things. When it comes to any of our relationships, we want to be able to be comfortable in our own skin and feel accepted, even for our shortcomings. Sometimes...emotions are just hard to decipher and at many times, we are just running away from what we know. We are scared that we will not be accepted for even thinking in these ways, and we are scared at where our own desires will lead. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense, but I want someone to accept my faulty feelings and tell me that it’s gonna be okay, that I’m doing the right thing. It’s a weird thing to be feeling this way, but I know it’s because of x y z. Unfortunately time was not written in the cards. So all we can do is keep on moving.

The centre of things, the core of the apple, in other words, the middle. There are some situations in which being in the middle might be beneficial; for instance, the middle of the attendance list, I was always one of those kids. Or what about being average height? Not too small and not too tall, that’s good right? But what about the circumstances in which being in the centre is a curse more than a blessing? For instance, being the in the centre of the World war, being in the middle of a tug of war battle, or even having just an average GPA in your graduating class? Not so nice now is it. This is probably one of those latter situations in which I feel very stuck, in the middle. Maybe it’s the hormones in me since Asmara, but I’m so tired of this. Humans are funny because they always like to ignore the bad habits, especially in relationships. But when an outside party ‘spoils’ another persons bad habit, the illusion is usually broken. I always knew what I was getting myself into. I alwa...

When I feel like I can't express myself properly, I choose to write. It's a sort of venting I can get out and feel better afterwards. Maybe it's the light to my dark tunnel of thoughts. I'm just tired of having the same type of conversations about problems. What is the point if nothing changes or comes from it? It's as if you're getting frustrated but wasting energy by getting frustrated, because nothing changes and nothing will change. There are many things that are not in your control. And frankly, at this exact point in my life, I don't have time for this, because I just can't think about myself, my wants and my desires, I have another person to take care of, someone so innocent and fragile. It's just that there are certain people whom you cannot walk away from because of the nature of your relationship. Although I would love to but cannot.  I know God grants what is best, and you may not see his plan right away when something happens, but he de...

Expectations...ah what horrible things to have. When they're so high, people will fall so low trying to reach them.  And what is the end result? Disappointment and resentment. So what's the solution here? Isn't it better not to have them? But Samra, thou shall not talk about such a hard task. Unfortunately everyone has expectations, even if they don't think they do, they do, subconsciously. We always hope for things how we perceive them in our head, even if we say we don't care. Granted some of us are more numb than others (Rip Chester Bennington, love you) and it doesn't hurt as much whereas with others, it hurts a lot. There's no point in sitting here deciphering which kinds of expectations are okay to have and which are not, because who's to say? It all depends. The best are the negative expectations, when you expect someone to react negatively because it's become a norm and you've habituated to it. It's sad isn't it?  For once, can...