Better Days & Getaways

The time has come, for all of us to look back at the year of 2012 and contemplate and step into the new year with new resolutions in hopes of setting some guidance for the upcoming year. Well first things first, the world did not end on the 21st as per the mayans. Of course, they didn't even account for leap years, so their prediction was null and void. Now that we have gotten passed that obvious obstacle, we can talk about how i, Samra Nadeem would like to start off the new year of 2013. I feel like every time I write these pre-new years entries, i always realize how much has happened in the year. Which is a good thing of course. A lot has happened. And i'm sure if you've been keeping up with my entries, i don't need to update all y'all. This year i learned many things, i learned that you can't change people, they have to find it within themselves to change themselves, at the end of the day, people are going to do what they want to do, regardless of how it make...

I'm getting quite tired of being around friends who's bf's/hubby is the centre of their universes. Lesbiahonest, I ain't about that life. No but really. It baffles me that you could make one person the core of your being, the core of your existence. Like without them, happiness wouldn't exist. Ugh. Barf. All over your shoes please. I'm not asking any of these friends to show any interest in my life, because that would be selfish. But i am taking a step back, because honestly, i'm just nauseated by it all. I don't understand it, and at the place i am in my life, i don't need those things constantly in my face. No thanks. All my other close friends are going through hell as well, and i'd rather spend time with them. After all, misery loves company. And company brings happiness. No but really, there is something about this year which is just hitting us. Maybe my wish will come true? And the world will end in about a week? On the 21st? Please God? It...

I don't know where my life is going right now. I should really be focusing on studying for my final on friday, but i just can't seem to focus right now. My mind is all over the place. And honestly, I cannot wait to talk to someone about all of this. Because maybe they can help me find some clarity, or make me see things in a different perspective. I hate that i have to wait that long because I feel like i'm going insane. It's just too much. Today i ended up telling one of my good friends what happened over the summer, everything that is. And it was so embarrassing because i ended up crying. And this was at school, aka public humiliation by yours truly. It just sucks when you think you've moved so far but then this sudden burst of emotion comes out and your progress seems minimal. Honestly, i don't know how to explain it. I don't know if anyone will ever get it. I don't know if it'll heal, i don't know when this void will be filled. I don't kn...

This year has been quite the year. It has had its highs and its lows...now i'm just waiting for the world to end in December. Kidding...not. Starting this year off at New Years, I never knew it would be like this...this difficult. Yep, that word pretty much sums up this year. It seems like everything has fell apart or is falling apart. I just want to lead a simple life. Really. To begin with, fourth year is mega rape. I find it so hard and busy, sometimes I don't have any time for myself. The gym seems like my only escape, and I NEED to go to the gym or else I won't have any outlet of blowing off steam or contemplating. There are weeks where I just stay at home, of course, I hate myself for doing that because home is a disaster. Everyone is fighting with each other, everyone has issues. My mom is in one room and my dad in the other, it's been so long since they've had a proper conversation. I just don't understand...why can't my dad just talk? I don't ge...

"Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that the person should still be welcomed in your life. It just means that you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go." I came across this quote today in class and it caught my eye. Why? Because i can't relate to it. Is this how i'm supposed to be about what happened? I want to get there I really do, but it's going to take some time. Time is what I need for everything in my life to fit perfectly together and it's not that i want to fast forward or anything, I just want time to go by so i can be where i need to be. I'm tired of feeling angry, honestly i am. I just want to feel nothing, i want to feel nothing towards him and my past. He isn't worth any emotion. I want to be where that quote is. I know i got there at one point i...

It's been 8 days since I last wrote in this blog...and you know what? I still feel the same way. Why is this crush lasting so long? I thought it'd be temporary...I can't stop thinking about him. He's just so cute to me and all I wanna do is hug him. The funny thing is that he probably doesn't know and probably never thought about me like that. It sort of feels like when in Friends, Rachel finds out that Ross was madly in love with her and Monica kept asking Rachel if she would go out with Ross. Rachel's response was that she never looked at Ross in that way, and that she would have to think about it. I feel like he might say something similar along those lines. But there is definitely something stopping this from happening, it's a big thing. I don't know how he feels about it, whether it would be a consideration for him or not. I can't get a read on how he would react. But because of that, I will never tell him. I mean, it's not like i'm not ...

Is it just me or is there always a friend in your life that you've been attracted to since the first day you met them? And for some x, y, z reason, you can't say anything to them and you just kick this attraction into the deep layers of subconsciousness. I feel like the fact that they are forbidden territory just makes this attraction more, i wouldn't say stronger but more existent. And then we find ourselves subtly giving clues to this person that sometimes we are not even aware about ourselves. For example, there is a saying that if you're in a room with someone you're attracted to, your body language will show it, more specifically, your belly button will be aligned with the other persons. Now, I don't know how much i believe that, but i guess i can say sometimes it's true. But i guess that makes that saying very subjective. Even right now as I write this entry, i feel that it's counterproductive...as if just by thinking of this person, my brain is re...

No one should ever be near a computer this late into the night, because i feel like the later it gets the more gutsy you get and might do things you regret. For example, I have chosen to blog about what it is i'm feeling right now completely tired and just feeling a bit sad. As said per HIMYM, "kids, when it's after 2am, just go to sleep". But here i am, yet again. So i came back from my 'date' a while back and then i met with another friend who evidently was stoned but i had to wait for him to tell me that :P Anyways, i feel sad. It felt slightly odd going on a date with a guy that was not him. Like yeah we had good conversations but it didn't hit the right spot. Obviously, I am not over him and I'm not going to pretend i am because that would just be a lie. I see my best friend in love with her bf of only 7 months and they're honestly crazy about each other. This is to an extent which i cannot fathom. Not because i don't believe in love like ...

So, a lot of things have happened ever since my best friend died. Wow, sometimes i have to hand it to myself for being melodramatic. My best friend didn't actually 'die' per se, but this is exactly what it feels like. It's quite painful. But this entry is not about that. It's about how life is just so crazy. I actually never thought i'd find myself in this position especially right after what happened. But what can i say, things are different i'm handling things differently. My strategy is different from what it was about 2ish years ago. I shall not mope and sit at home, i shall meet new people and explore my options. I went to my friend's birthday party not too long ago downtown and I met a lot of people, mainly from the loo. But yeah i met a guy, he seemed nice enough, and we talked the whole time and he even dropped me off to the bus station. Now, I'm usually very good at picking up vibes from people aka boys. I can usually tell when they're i...

Eid Mubarak to everyone :) I couldn't believe that Ramadan came and went so fast. It started off great and then went downhill from there, but having to go through this during the period when you're not eating can really take a toll on your body. At first, I couldn't eat at all but towards the end of the month, i began going back to my old routine. So, the first time in a long time today on the day of Eid, my family and I actually had stuff to do! First, i went to Eid prayers which I hadn't done in almost two years. And then afterwards I saw some of my friends and later at night we had a dinner party at our house with my cousins. Now, my cousins and I don't really see eye to eye with a lot of things and we're not as close as one would suspect us to be in this position. But Annum was visiting with her hubby Saad so it was fun! They came over, we chilled and played some games. Even though we're not close, I feel like there's that bond with us that we can do...

So tomorrow one of my best friends Lais finally comes back from France after about 7 and a half months! Wow, it's been sucha long time since I've seen her. I miss her so very much. Can't wait. I could really use her at a time like this. She's always been great to me, very supportive and just an awesome friend. I know she can comfort me like no other just because we've reached that stage in our friendship. Maybe the fact that we lived together strengthened that bond. We've honestly been with each other through our highs and lows. Really, at the end of the day, during tough times is when you realize who is actually there for you. And I know she always is/will be. I hope she had a wonderful time in Paris, but now Canada wants her back. I just hope she isn't sad that she won't be with her bf all the time. That can really mess someone up. Thats why I almost always say, don't fall in love on vacation. It just seems impractical and a set up for heart break....

Sometimes when the tough gets going there's really nowhere else to turn to except for God, or your spiritual side. It has been almost a year since I had set foot in a mosque, and i'm so happy I decided to go. It reminded me again of why I love this month, this holy month of Ramadan. I have been fasting and praying everyday, but for some reason I never had anyone to go to the mosque with. But today was a special night, it was the night where the imaam (kind of like a priest but for muslims) was finishing the last chapter of our holy book, the Quran. After reading all of the surahs in this last chapter, he made a dua (prayer). He got real emotional and I have to be honest, I had no idea what he was saying, I mean, mostly because it's in arabic, some words I can understand but most are just confusing. But just from hearing his voice and the emotions behind it, it was really moving. Granted there were some awkward moments where he was just weeping and every one of the ladies ar...

It has happened. Yet again, 2 years later, history has managed to repeat itself. He has ended it. Funny story I tell you, he decided to end it on the phone with a 'let's just be friends' statement. Oh how those words are music to my ears. Because evidently, every girlfriend who's been with someone for 5 years now wants to hear that. I was just so appalled that that was how he chose to deal with the situation. A two and a half hour conversation was stretched and dragged out on the phone, only to end up with a pathetic 'let's just be friends'.  How. How can one just go from lovers to friends in a day? Seems almost next to impossible. That hurt me. How it didn't phase him, how he could just think it was appropriate to end things like this. And what did it take for us to finally talk about it a week and a half later? Me. I had to be the one and call him and say we need to talk in person. Why. Why must i always get the short end of the stick? Sometimes it fee...

I ended up initiating the first move, aka, I messaged him after a little more than a day of not talking to him. It seems trivial right now, but I always text him, like everyday, so the fact that we didn't talk for that long really says something. You know, it took a lot for me to even say anything to him because last time I talked him, he hurt me so much by imitating me. Anyways, deep down, I missed him, I really did. So I began easing into the conversation and believe me...it was slightly awkward. After a bit of monotonous messages, I got straight to the point and asked him if he was mad at me (ridiculous...I know seeing as I hung up in anger initially) He said he wasn't mad at me but that he was tired of 'stuff'. Now, till this moment, I don't know what 'stuff' means but I felt like he was saying something along the lines of a relationship. Anyways, I apologized for hanging up on him but I wanted to let him know how I felt, so I let him know that. But that...

So, I haven't done one of these posts in a while...but man...is life a big mess right now. To begin with, I got back the results of my French proficiency test and just as expected, I did not manage to get a 75% in all the strands (listening, reading, writing, speaking). What a freakin' surprise. 75%...you don't say! I feel like cursing everyone who came up with this dumb rule, but in some ways, I guess it makes sense. It just demotivated me when I first saw it...failure always sucks, regardless of how you feel about it down the road, that moment when you get the results, and they're not what you hoped they would be...failure always sucks. But I moved on from that, just gotta try again. Furthermore, after about 3 months of searching for a job, I finally got one at Mcds. I know, I know, it's Mcd's. But seriously, a job is a job. I just wish my wonderful significant other would be nice about it. Speaking of, turbulence there is in the relationship. Yes, I just pull...

Hello all, so this week is the last week of classes before final exams and all i can say is wow, yet another year has come and gone! Felt like i was just starting third year yesterday, and wondering how i would survive school again. But here i am, i survived. Through the midterms, essays, and early mornings, i'm here. People ask, 'so how does it feel to have finished third year, oh my god, one more year!!' And i'm just like uhh i'm not done yet. I still have two more years to go. According to me, the ending of this year is mundane, and it doesn't do anything for me. Sure, life is getting serious...but does that mean that we do too? I mean, of course...we have some sense of responsibility...after all, we've come a long way, but I don't think i'm a full grown adult and ready to live that life. I'm still a kid...honestly, i'm still a kid. Even the whole marriage thing, if i could, i would just move in with my bf...but i can't do that in my c...

So the day has come of my 21'st birthday. You know what this means right? VEGAS. No, just kidding...or am i? I don't know whether i'm excited that i'm becoming older or sad. I know that today, i spent a good hour reminiscing my past. And as i was doing this, i was listening to all my favourite bands i used to listen to. God only knows why i stopped listening to such awesome music. I blame my computer, for crashing almost 5 times and messing around with my itunes air-go all my music disappeared, leaving my ipod with a measly 500 songs, out of at least 1000 i used to have. *sadface* When i listen to 'real' music and the music that is 'hip' now, i really want to bang my head on a wall. The next generation growing up has seriously lost all taste of what real music is. I don't blame them, i mean, you listen to 'i'm sexy and i know it' and you think that it is the shit.  I hope these kids will take a listen to music from 'back in the days...

Happy 2012 to all! The year just flew by. Have to say that i had an awesome new years eve. Yeah sure i spent like $130, but i did have a good time. My friends and i went to a banquet hall and did the whole dinner and dance shuh-bang. Is that how you spell it? When the clock struck midnight i was extremely happy because i had done it. I had kept my resolution from last year, and stayed strong. Despite the immense peer pressure and availability of it during 2011, i refrained from a bad temptation. I'm happy that i was able to stick to my goal. But the sad thing was, i didn't make a new resolution, am i going to stick to the same one from last year? Maybe. But i feel that's a cop-out. I also wanted a new years kiss from him of course. Unfortunately, that could not happen. So when everyone else was coupled off kissing their significant others when the clock struck 12, i kissed my best friend Lais. Well, it was a peck, so i highly doubt that it counts as a 'i kissed a girl a...