Silence is golden

Eid Mubarak to everyone :) I couldn't believe that Ramadan came and went so fast. It started off great and then went downhill from there, but having to go through this during the period when you're not eating can really take a toll on your body. At first, I couldn't eat at all but towards the end of the month, i began going back to my old routine. So, the first time in a long time today on the day of Eid, my family and I actually had stuff to do! First, i went to Eid prayers which I hadn't done in almost two years. And then afterwards I saw some of my friends and later at night we had a dinner party at our house with my cousins. Now, my cousins and I don't really see eye to eye with a lot of things and we're not as close as one would suspect us to be in this position. But Annum was visiting with her hubby Saad so it was fun! They came over, we chilled and played some games. Even though we're not close, I feel like there's that bond with us that we can do things like that because we have so much history and we know each other in a way. And have to say, my cousin's husband is always super nice and friendly with us. Sometimes i think to myself, wow, why can't i get somebody like that. It seems like they're so happy together, like they've got it figured out. And it's not as if their marriage was a love marriage or anything. I just find it a bit strange, in a good way though. I'm happy for them, I'm happy that they're happy. Weird how love works. Here i am saddened by the outcome of loving someone whereas they're over there enjoying their life, all of which was started by an arranged marriage. I don't know how this works. The truth is, people who want to make it work, always find a way.

 A little part of me inside wanted him to just contact me and wish me eid mubarak or some stupid shit of that sort. But no. It's going to be hard to get used to the fact that it's over. I think more than anything I'm just mad. And truthfully, i'm channeling my sadness into anger. Because it's better to be angry than to be sad. Anger i can control, sadness i can't. 

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