It was too good to be true

It has happened. Yet again, 2 years later, history has managed to repeat itself. He has ended it. Funny story I tell you, he decided to end it on the phone with a 'let's just be friends' statement. Oh how those words are music to my ears. Because evidently, every girlfriend who's been with someone for 5 years now wants to hear that. I was just so appalled that that was how he chose to deal with the situation. A two and a half hour conversation was stretched and dragged out on the phone, only to end up with a pathetic 'let's just be friends'.  How. How can one just go from lovers to friends in a day? Seems almost next to impossible. That hurt me. How it didn't phase him, how he could just think it was appropriate to end things like this. And what did it take for us to finally talk about it a week and a half later? Me. I had to be the one and call him and say we need to talk in person. Why. Why must i always get the short end of the stick? Sometimes it feels like God is playing one big practical joke on me. Like why does this shit happen to me? What were his reasons? Basically that he doesn't have his shit together, he's done with girls, and he's done with relationships. He can't give me what I want, and what i wanted was what any normal girlfriend after 5 years would have, love...maybe even a sense of security. I didn't think my expectations were too much, but they clearly were. And i just fucked up, all over again. Did i blindfold him in this relationship? Did he not think a relationship could possibly escalate into something more? Was he really that naive? Or was he just playing me? I don't know, all I know is that I feel dumb. I feel taken advantage of. I don't deserve this. I really don't. One can have many chances in life for things, but playing with people's emotions is not one of them. You can't mess around with that. It was a blessing for him to be accepted back into my life, it really was. And I kind of saw his behaviour back then but I thought he had grew up from that. I thought he had gotten it out of his system. Boy was I dead wrong. I gave him everything, like literally everything i have and then some.  My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my heart hurts. I want to be with someone who's chosen other things over me. I want to be with someone who has turned their back on me. I want to be with someone who has hurt me. Why do i want to be with this someone? Still. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times? Just kill me.

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