Life long process

No one should ever be near a computer this late into the night, because i feel like the later it gets the more gutsy you get and might do things you regret. For example, I have chosen to blog about what it is i'm feeling right now completely tired and just feeling a bit sad. As said per HIMYM, "kids, when it's after 2am, just go to sleep". But here i am, yet again. So i came back from my 'date' a while back and then i met with another friend who evidently was stoned but i had to wait for him to tell me that :P Anyways, i feel sad. It felt slightly odd going on a date with a guy that was not him. Like yeah we had good conversations but it didn't hit the right spot. Obviously, I am not over him and I'm not going to pretend i am because that would just be a lie. I see my best friend in love with her bf of only 7 months and they're honestly crazy about each other. This is to an extent which i cannot fathom. Not because i don't believe in love like that but because i keep thinking, why couldn't we be like that? Like he got sick of me and called me intrusive when i just asked his whereabouts. Meanwhile, my best friend skypes with her bf for hours and hours and they talk everyday. This guy is super sensitive and seems like he's head over heels for her..like why wasn't he like this? Why was he such a stone...why didn't he care as much? I felt like we had something, something to be happy about. I feel like i'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I feel like we built our relationship so much, kept adding to it, the memories, the milestones, the challenges, the experiences. And it all came crashing down. It feels like all my hard work was put to waste. It honestly feels like that. Maybe right now i'm being dramatic because I can't see a future with anyone else, but I miss him so so much. I know he'll never love me the way i love him. I just have to accept that. I'm trying, i really am. But at times it seems like a life long process.

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