Better Days & Getaways

I don't know where my life is going right now. I should really be focusing on studying for my final on friday, but i just can't seem to focus right now. My mind is all over the place. And honestly, I cannot wait to talk to someone about all of this. Because maybe they can help me find some clarity, or make me see things in a different perspective. I hate that i have to wait that long because I feel like i'm going insane. It's just too much. Today i ended up telling one of my good friends what happened over the summer, everything that is. And it was so embarrassing because i ended up crying. And this was at school, aka public humiliation by yours truly. It just sucks when you think you've moved so far but then this sudden burst of emotion comes out and your progress seems minimal. Honestly, i don't know how to explain it. I don't know if anyone will ever get it. I don't know if it'll heal, i don't know when this void will be filled. I don't kn...

This year has been quite the year. It has had its highs and its lows...now i'm just waiting for the world to end in December. Kidding...not. Starting this year off at New Years, I never knew it would be like this...this difficult. Yep, that word pretty much sums up this year. It seems like everything has fell apart or is falling apart. I just want to lead a simple life. Really. To begin with, fourth year is mega rape. I find it so hard and busy, sometimes I don't have any time for myself. The gym seems like my only escape, and I NEED to go to the gym or else I won't have any outlet of blowing off steam or contemplating. There are weeks where I just stay at home, of course, I hate myself for doing that because home is a disaster. Everyone is fighting with each other, everyone has issues. My mom is in one room and my dad in the other, it's been so long since they've had a proper conversation. I just don't understand...why can't my dad just talk? I don't ge...

"Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that the person should still be welcomed in your life. It just means that you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go." I came across this quote today in class and it caught my eye. Why? Because i can't relate to it. Is this how i'm supposed to be about what happened? I want to get there I really do, but it's going to take some time. Time is what I need for everything in my life to fit perfectly together and it's not that i want to fast forward or anything, I just want time to go by so i can be where i need to be. I'm tired of feeling angry, honestly i am. I just want to feel nothing, i want to feel nothing towards him and my past. He isn't worth any emotion. I want to be where that quote is. I know i got there at one point i...