Approaching no man's land

I'm getting quite tired of being around friends who's bf's/hubby is the centre of their universes. Lesbiahonest, I ain't about that life. No but really. It baffles me that you could make one person the core of your being, the core of your existence. Like without them, happiness wouldn't exist. Ugh. Barf. All over your shoes please. I'm not asking any of these friends to show any interest in my life, because that would be selfish. But i am taking a step back, because honestly, i'm just nauseated by it all. I don't understand it, and at the place i am in my life, i don't need those things constantly in my face. No thanks. All my other close friends are going through hell as well, and i'd rather spend time with them. After all, misery loves company. And company brings happiness. No but really, there is something about this year which is just hitting us. Maybe my wish will come true? And the world will end in about a week? On the 21st? Please God? It seems like i have made a full circle. Whatever progress i made just seems nullified because i almost feel the same way as i did in the summer. Broken as shit. Like heart torn out of my chest, stomped on, blended into pieces and surgically placed back inside. God is saying, "okay Samra now try to live with this dysfunctional heart". Nice...thanks God, thanks. This must be my karma or something. Of all the times i've lied to my parents, of all the times i've consumed substances that were not supposed to be consumed, of all the shit i've done. That's the only way to explain this. Because God shouldn't do these things to good people right? No..he doesn't. Because people do this to people. People are evil...steer clear of people. They can only hurt you. So maybe it's a good thing that world is going to 'end'. Because i want to live in no man's land. 

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