Back to those days that I thought were long gone

I ended up initiating the first move, aka, I messaged him after a little more than a day of not talking to him. It seems trivial right now, but I always text him, like everyday, so the fact that we didn't talk for that long really says something. You know, it took a lot for me to even say anything to him because last time I talked him, he hurt me so much by imitating me. Anyways, deep down, I missed him, I really did. So I began easing into the conversation and believe me...it was slightly awkward. After a bit of monotonous messages, I got straight to the point and asked him if he was mad at me (ridiculous...I know seeing as I hung up in anger initially) He said he wasn't mad at me but that he was tired of 'stuff'. Now, till this moment, I don't know what 'stuff' means but I felt like he was saying something along the lines of a relationship. Anyways, I apologized for hanging up on him but I wanted to let him know how I felt, so I let him know that. But that's when the conversation went downhill. He didn't respond and I was at work, so I made a plan to talk to him when I got home. It hurt me when I saw that he did respond to my brother's text message, but chose to ignore mine...and in my opinion, it was an important one. I ended up texting him again asking him what he was doing so that maybe I could call him and talk to him. But he was going out with his friends so that didn't follow through. I said for him to have fun and he didn't say anything after. And here I sit, typing away at my blog with my emotions. These feeling feels strangely familiar. It's taking me back to first year when we were about to break up back then. Honestly, it's running through my head like an infection. I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore, like he's over it, like he's going to leave. It's a horrible, horrible feeling.

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