Infection

When an idea fills your head, it becomes similar to an infection. As someone once said, the most dangerous thing in this world is to plant an idea in someone's head. Because once it's there, it will have a hard time getting out. Now, in the olden times there would be scary procedures such as lobotomies, electroconvulsive shock therapy, neurosurgery etc. But these are last resort as they have crazy side effects. With that being said, what are you supposed to do when a thought is impeding your mental health? Are you supposed to focus on it, or are you supposed to distract yourself from it? I guess, it would depend on what type of 'idea' this is. And that is dependent on various other factors. I guess what i'm trying to express over here is that, i'm having a hard time. I'm having difficulties not thinking, it's all i do all the time. Thinking about the wrong things, thinking about inappropriate destructive things that shouldn't matter, but they sure as hell do. And usually, it becomes such a problem that i just become depressed and start finding ANYTHING to release the pain inside. I don't even know how to do that properly...what the fuck am i doing? What is wrong with me? I want to run. Run away from here. I cannot express how sick of this place i've become...it just makes me so sad. I know winter is a time where people get depressed anyways but shit, i used to love winter. Now i just can't stop thinking about these things that will be the death of me. How sad is it when you think that the only person who can fill some sort of void is the one that is creating that void? Mind eff. I don't even know if i'm making sense. All i know is that today was hard and i'd like to thank my brain for that. I don't know how tomorrow will be, or a week from now. Sigh. Fuck.

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